When often asked about when I’m going to have a baby, I answer it like someone has asked when I’m going to jump out of a plane. “Not too sure, probably not anytime soon”. The past few years this question has come up so many times that I’ve now grown a protective layer of an answer that shuns away the question with such force, you’d think I’m allergic to pregnancy.
This question started popping up suddenly out of the blue, one day that was the question everyone wanted to know the answer for. Did I hit a certain age? Did Ihaia and I pass a certain time in our relationship? Did people assume that was our next step? It was coming up constantly and it didn’t take long for me to get tired of it.
What if I physically couldn’t get pregnant and was always being asked that question left, right and centre. How uncomfortable would that make me feel? How would I answer? I’ve been on the depo-provera injection for many years, I’ve never been pregnant before or had a proper scare so I genuinely have no idea if I’ll actually have trouble getting pregnant.
Why do people care? [and if you don’t care, don’t ask] I mean, my decision on baby making will not effect you. I actually do not mind or judge what my friends and families plans are around babies as their personal decision isn’t my business, I’ll be there to support their decision, whatever way they want to go. What if the person asking is a mother herself and I ask “when are you going to stop having kids?” or “2 kids is probably enough, Susan”, why would that get more of a backlash than them asking me when I’m going to have kids? Even coming from someone without kids [which to be honest is rare] are they also asking others why they’re choosing to have kids or is their question just for us that don’t yet? Is it just a conversation starter? Let me help you out with some new ones… ask what country they’re planning to visit next, ask how their fur baby is, ask what Nexflix show they’re watching or what book they’re reading. There is so much more to ask other than when I’m going to reproduce. And I’m sure, like myself, anyone else would want to be known as more than “when are you going to have babies”.
For me, I’ve never had dreams of being a mother, never pined to hold a baby in my arms and coo them to sleep. I still feel too young to have a baby! I actually can’t believe I’m a legal age to give birth, like I can get pregnant now and not be scared to tell my mum, lol. Don’t get me wrong with this blog, I do want to have a family someday but that “someday” has not yet felt like today and I don’t think I owe anyone an explanation for that.
While currently living overseas and finding my 25yr old self in this 1950’s housewife setup of [legally] not being able to work and supporting my husband bringing home the bacon, I do understand that now is a perfect time to bring new life into the world. I have days to pass and am able to be there at the drop of a hat. But I also have freedom, travel and adventure just out our front door.
To be super vulnerable, I’m afraid of going through motherhood for the first time in France. I don’t know the first thing about pregnancy or birth and with english not being the first language or even spoken much here, how will I know exactly what’s going on?! Being a strong Virgo, I’d want to be able to talk fluently with someone about everything in depth. I want to be able to go to pregnancy pilates and yoga and get pregnancy massages [lol, it is what it is]. I want to have the same options as friends, family and even people I follow on social media did and get to talk and compare [France do some things the same but I’ve also been told theres a lot thats actually different]. And lets not even get started on the cravings I probably won’t be able to satisfy on this side of the world! The French seem to take pregnancy strangely as well, I have a pregnant friend who gets the dirty eye and even confronted at the gym here, hardly anyone breast feeds in public etc, seems very 20th century and I ain’t got no patience for that. Along with the cons, maybe there will be some pro’s. But having my first baby aboard, honestly, scares me.
As Ihaia and I roll into our second year married and our fifth year together, I’m low key proud that we’re still living life as we know and love it. That I haven’t fallen pregnant “just because” or from societal pressure. When it happens, no doubt I’ll be acting like I’m the first woman to give birth and you’ll all wished you never asked! But for now, I’m having too much fun with life as it is.
If you’re reading this nodding along, feeling the pressure and getting uncomfortable by this question being asked to you too, ignore it and keep doing you. Everyone has their own season.
DISCLAIMER: Not that I should feel the need to justify my feelings on this BUT I’ve written this blog post on my own personal opinion on that question. I’m not judging or disagreeing with anyone who feels different.
[The 3 pictures below are the first ones we took until I realised I had popped white confetti in a white dress in front of a white wall *face palm* but they accurately represent SO MUCH about this blog and I was in fits of laughter looking at them afterwards that I HAD to include them still!]
Just for the lol’s… don’t take it too seriously, I have young siblings and friends with kids so I do know how to deal ok.
*When someone starts the conversation with “so when do you think you’ll…”*
*Kids in general*
*Other peoples reaction when they find out your married and childless*
*When I have to make convosation with a child*
*When I’m asked to baby sit*